Funny work mugs

Yes I've got a van. No I can't help you move

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It's not a bodge. It's a bespoke solution

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Measure twice. Swear once

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It was working when I left

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I've seen your gutters

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Yes I can see in. No I'm not looking

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Quote's free. Advice is forty quid an hour

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No, I can't "just have a quick look"

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Tea. Two sugars. Then we'll talk

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I've seen worse. Not much worse

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That'll be a big job, that

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Started at seven. Still here

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It's not a gap. It's a shadow line

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Turn it off and on again. I'm a professional

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Powered by tea and poor decisions

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I don't have a favourite chisel. (I do.)

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Some people call it dust. I call it job security

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Two minutes is a unit of time I do not recognise

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The ladder is not a toy. It's an office

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If it leaks, I wasn't here. If it doesn't, you're welcome

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Rain stops play. Every time

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Yes it's level. Your house isn't

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I charge by the hour. Standing there counts

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Nice house. Shame about the wiring

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No, I can't fit you in before Christmas

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All I want for Christmas is my invoice paid

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Elf and safety

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Ho ho ho. That'll be double time

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Santa's got one delivery. I've got forty

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Back in the new year. Probably

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Deck the halls. Charge for the ladder

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We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars

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Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken

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I can resist everything except temptation

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The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated

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Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, pause and reflect

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Though she be but little, she is fierce

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To thine own self be true

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We know what we are, but know not what we may be

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The fault is not in our stars, but in ourselves

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If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs

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Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one

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You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realise this, and you will find strength

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Go confidently in the direction of your dreams

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It is not enough to be busy. The question is: what are we busy about?

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Hope is the thing with feathers

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I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul

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Tyger Tyger, burning bright

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To see a World in a Grain of Sand

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'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all

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To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield

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It is a capital mistake to theorise before one has data

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You see, but you do not observe

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It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

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There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart

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Know yourself, know your enemy

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Slow and steady wins the race

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United we stand, divided we fall

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Do I contradict myself? Very well then, I contradict myself

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There is no Frigate like a Book

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Tell all the truth but tell it slant

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Call me Ishmael

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Better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation

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There is no enjoyment like reading

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It is a truth universally acknowledged

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Reader, I married him

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I am no bird; and no net ensnares me

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Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same

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A woman must have money and a room of her own

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A book must be the axe for the frozen sea within us

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She is too fond of books, and it has turned her brain

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I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship

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A classic is a book which people praise and don't read

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We're all mad here

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Begin at the beginning, and go on till you come to the end

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All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream

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All the world's a stage

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Brevity is the soul of wit

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The course of true love never did run smooth

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We are such stuff as dreams are made on

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All happy families are alike

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Beauty will save the world

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He who has a why to live can bear almost any how

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We suffer more in imagination than in reality

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The best revenge is not to be like your enemy

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A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step

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Tread softly because you tread on my dreams

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A thing of beauty is a joy for ever

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To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive

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Bah! Humbug!

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God bless us, every one!

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I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year

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There is nothing so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humour

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'Twas the night before Christmas

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Heap on more wood! The wind is chill

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Christmas won't be Christmas without any presents

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